DRUNK

Why do you walk with a wobble? Why are your emotions always running high? Why is everything you see doubled? Because what flows through your veins isn't blood — it's premium Wuliangye! It's Guojiao 1573! It's Jiangxiaobai! It's Shaanxi Wuliangye! Oh, glorious baijiu, every drop burning, every drop boiling. Have you already gotten used to pouring baijiu into a thermos and chugging it like plain water? How magnificent, this baijiu! It makes you the life of the dinner table, then has you hugging the toilet confessing your life sins; it makes you feel like a nightclub poet, the undying flame at the center of the universe — until 10 AM the next day, when your head feels like a cracked walnut, food residue dangles from the corner of your mouth, and your soul cowers in a corner. You finally understand: the person who was grandstanding and table-slamming last night has become a drunkard.